I
was shopping in Costco the other day and the Vitamix man was in the
middle of whipping up a green smoothie, giving his whole pitch for
paying $700 for a blender. I, along with about 20 other eager weekday
shoppers, waited patiently through his speech to get a taste. As my
almost two-year-old daughter and I walked away from the display table
headed for the cereal aisle, each with a green drink in hand, a
distraught mother caught my eye and asked, "What do you make with your
Vitamix?" I told her I actually don't have one (yet!, someday!) and she
then said, "You know, I bought one a year or so ago to try to get him
(pointing to her 5 year old son in her cart) to eat more things."
I wasn't sure what to say. In my personal life, there
are all too many situations I find myself in where I want more than
anything to let the dietitian inside me come out and save the world! I
paused, contemplating if I should strike up a conversation with her
about her son's pickiness to see if there were any recommendations I
could make to help her out. I decided to go for it.
After I introduced myself to her as a registered
dietitian with experience with toddler and childhood pickiness, she
ended up explaining to me all about her son who pretty much refuses to
eat all food except chocolate milk. He will eat sweets and occasionally
things off of her plate, but demands chocolate milk 9 times out of 10.
She relayed the very common sentiment of well-intentioned parents,
saying, "Well, at least it's SOME form of nourishment!" I watched her
try to coax her 5-year-old into tasting the green smoothie to no avail.
The poor kid had classic signs of malnutrition--he was small and weak
and was falling asleep in the middle of the day in the grocery shopping
cart with giant dark circles under his eyes. I made eye contact with
that sweet little boy and his eyes were so sad. I felt sad for him and
very sad for his parents too.
After asking her a few more questions, I talked with
her for a few minutes, offering advice for breaking through this power
struggle over food. It's tough because there's only so much I can do in
the middle of Costco talking to a complete stranger, but I tried to
help.
If you are in a similar situation with your child,
here are a few tips. Keep in mind, your child will adjust, especially if
you remain consistent and firm. I am mostly speaking to parents of
toddlers and preschoolers.
1. Keep caloric drinks to meal and snack time only. This
means juice, milk, chocolate milk, or any other fluid besides water.
Offer only water in between meals and snacks. Young kids have tiny
tummies and they can feel falsely full if they have been drinking lots
juice or milk. The big problem that comes when kids fill up on milk or
juice in between meals or snacks is that they can be so full from those
fluids that they refuse to eat actual foods and thus may miss out on key
nutrients in their diet.
2. Understand your responsbilities as the parent and their responsibilities as the child in the feeding relationship. Ellyn
Satter, a well-known dietitian and researcher in the field of infant
and childhood nutrition, has a very important and impactful theory
regarding the parent/child food relationship. She calls it the division
of responsibility. In the feeding relationship, the parent is in charge
of what the child is offered to eat and when. The child is responsible to choose if they eat and how much.
The parent plans, prepares, and serves the food to the child at planned
times and that's where the parent's responsibility ends. It is not
necessary nor helpful for the parent to hover over the child's plate,
ensuring adequate servings of each food group are eaten. Instead, the
parent sits down with the child, ideally eating the same food as her,
and carries on with conversation and everyday life, not focusing on how
much food is being eaten, how messy the child is eating, or anything
else about the food. Basically, offer the food and then allow the child
to explore, taste and enjoy, recognizing that it is in his/her rights to
refuse to eat at all.
3. Have planned meal and snack times throughout the day.
This will be what can keep you going when step number 2 shown above
gets very difficult with a child who refuses to eat. Offer 3 meals per
day (breakfast in the morning, lunch at midday, and dinner in the
evening) with a snack in between meals and possibly another snack before
bed if needed. If your child refuses breakfast, you can rest easy
knowing that the next snack time is only two or so hours away. If your
child is begging you for food in the afternoon as you are getting things
together for dinner, you can remind your child that snack time is only a
half hour from now! If your child refuses the dinner that you have
offered and served, you can relax knowing that you will be able to serve
them a snack before bed so that they will not go hungry.
4. Recognize that it
is developmentally appropriate and normal for your child to eat
ravenously one day and pick at her food the next. Just knowing
this fact can help parents relax when it comes to how much their child
is eating. All too commonly, a parent notices her child is hardly eating
anything and then panics, wondering if SOMETHING is better than
nothing. That's when the go-to foods come out because you know without a
doubt that your child will eat that food. Don't get caught up in this
cycle! Knowing these days of feasting and fasting are normal for young
ones, and don't let it stress you out!
4. Do NOT make separate meals for your child.
It's very tempting to get into the habit of offering separate meals for
your child. Maybe you assume they would never eat the feta cheese you
are eating with your salad, or maybe it's because you've gotten into the
habit of feeding your child something quick and easy and then eating
later yourself. Start offering foods from your own dinner table (or
breakfast, or lunch table) when you start introducing solids in infancy.
You should always offer at least one food item at a meal that you know
your child will eat. For example, let's say you are planning on making a
chicken ceasar salad for dinner and your child is 18 months old with
only 8 teeth and no molars. Salad is tough with no teeth! Be sure to
offer something on the table that he or she will like. Maybe it's a
roll. Cut up the chicken, offer the roll, have a fruit option, and even
offer some of the vegetables in the salad. You can even put a small
amount of the dressing on the child's plate to allow them to experiment
with dipping.
5. Don't make food a battle.
It can take up to 17 times of being exposed to a food for a child to
decide they will eat it. Be patient, and continue offering the foods
even when times get tough!
6. Most important tip: Set the example of healthy eating yourself and eat with your child.
Sit down and eat meals and snacks with your child. He or she wants so
much to be like dad and mom and wants to be grown up. Show your child
that you enjoy variety in your eating and that you like to be healthy!
Say it with your actions, more so than with your words, and they will
listen.
These tips are intended to get you started. As always,
there are unique situations that may require different approaches and
may require the help of a registered dietitian! If you feel you need
help with your child and/or family's picky eating, check out my nutrition consultation services here.
If you enjoyed Paige's post and would like to read more or even get in contact her, visit her webiste at:
http://www.paigesmathersrd.com/
Good luck with those picky eaters, hang in there and, as always, find the beauty in imperfect parenting!
