crash course parenting: mommy image

This topic has been on my mind.  A lot.  I never knew how bad the ideal "Mommy Image" was, until I had a babes of my own.  And it has been tough.   Now, when I say "Mommy Image,"  I mean more than just the absurd expectations society has for mom's body during and after pregnancy.  To me, this also includes how women interact with their children, what amazing things they do each and every day to prove they are totally awesome moms as well as how well they keep the house in order.   My crash course parenting lesson with Mommy Image is that it is a load of crap what society, Pinterest and other mom's expect of moms.  Going back to what I mentioned in the Milestones post, why does this have to be a competition?

Body image
It breaks my heart when I talk to a friend, acquaintance or stranger (well, I more overhear them...or silently fume when I see a celebrity getting harassed for gaining so much weight while pregnant in a gossip magazine) and they are stressing so much about staying super slim while pregnant and then almost obsessing over getting back to pre-pregnancy size the minute the baby is out.  Ladies.  This needs to stop.  We need to gain weight for our babies and keep some of that storage to nurture them once they are out.  The body changes with pregnancy.  It is supposed to!  Throw the idea that we have to stay skinny the whole time and then have a flat stomach within 3 months of having the kid.  Society is smoking something that makes them dumb for putting this expectation on people.   Don't get me wrong, it is important to stay fit, but there is a difference between staying fit and obsessing over perfection, whatever that really is.  Embrace the new body that created a life, sustains life and accomplished one of the most mind blowing feats man has ever witnessed.

My good friend who is a dietician wrote a great post about weight gain during pregnancy.  You can find it here:

Pregorexia, Paige Smathers

Super Mom
Oye vey.  I stressed so much about interacting with Spud every minute of every day and felt major guilt if I did not.  I felt I was less of a mother because I did not have these amazing activities planned for everyday.  Let's face it, some days the fact that everyone is alive, fed and relatively happy throughout the day is success enough.  I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest for this reason.  I get super annoyed now whenever I see Pins about these awesome activities or "Potty train your child in 3 days," or "Get your baby to sleep through the night by 12 weeks."  People, these are not good.  First, every child is different.  Every mom is different.  Every situation is different.  I had to learn to let go of trying to be a mom I was not and realize that Luke needs me to be the mom he needs, not the mom I felt the world was pressuring me to be.

Super Mom 2
Going along with having everyday planned to the T with educational activities that create the perfect child, I felt pressure to have my house in perfect order with perfectly planned meals throughout the day.  Again, there are some days where I feel accomplished if we are all alive and well at the end of the day.  Before I came to peace with the fact that it is okay for the house to be dusty or have a sink full of dishes,  or have mismatched curtains because I just flat ran out of steam to make the other two, I felt conflicted.  Conflicted because I was supposed to be this super involved mom while having the house spick 'n span WHILE making amazing meals 5 times a day....See the conflict?  It took an internal implosion of exhaustion for me to finally let go of this one.  A clean house is important to me, but I am okay with a little clutter now because that means that I kept my sanity, Luke got some mom time on the floor, surrounded by books or even just throwing blankets on his head....life is a lot more peaceful now.

This is entertainment most days this summer...

My biggest tip for moms, be the mom you and your family need, not what the the world says you should be.  Society has unattainable expectations which leads to us moms feeling unfit, ugly, lazy or like we are failing.  I promise.  We are not.  I try each day to start with a prayer, asking God to help me be the mom Luke needs me to be and that is what I go with throughout the day.  

black eye

How many can relate to being embarrassed to go out in public because your toddler has some sort of injury from their wobbling bodies misleading them?

Spud sported this beaut for 9 days, including a trip to visit relatives in another state...poor guy. Poor me!  Oh the looks from those who have never had children, or who have but chose to let them live in a very protective bubble.   Oh well.  You live. You learn and sometimes you get hurt while trying to figure out how to maneuver your limbs.

potty training {part one: when to start}

Ah, potty training.  A time that every parent looks forward to with excitement, anxiety and confusion.  As a behavior interventionist, I have potty trained my fair share of children of all different ages, levels of development and disabilities.  Over the years, I have researched potty training methods in an attempt to find the best way to accomplish this crucial life skill.  Bottom line, there is no one way that is "THE BEST!"  But, there are aspects of each method that can be used to fit each child, their needs and personalities.  Thus, the Potty Training Series of this blog was born.  A hopefully enlightening attempt to assist the parenting world in the realm of toilets.

This is how the series will go down:

{Part 1} will address the age old question, "When should I start potty training my child?" 

{Parts 2 & 3} will delve into the different methods

{Part 4} is all about my gathered thoughts and experiences on potty training throughout the years

I don't have any experience with Elimination Communication or Infant Training, so those will not be covered.  Maybe one day I will be that ambitious.

Without further ado-doo (please forgive that pun if you found it completely inappropriate, but if you chuckled, don't be ashamed):

{Part 1: When to Start}

People often think potty training is just a natural, physically developmental process that always happens around 2-years of age.   They also think that potty training should happen quickly, without stress. 

Sorry to burst your bubble if you think this way, but this is not how it happens for most families.  Congratulations to those with prodigal children who just sat on a toilet and trained themselves.  Chances are, those people will not be reading this post.

First of all, we need to clear up the fact that potty training is just as much, if not more so, behavioral as physiological.  Think about it for a minute.  We are trying to teach a human being that has, up to this point, defecated free willy, whenever they very well pleased, to now control said defecation until they are sitting, not just any sitting on the floor or on any old chair, but on the appropriate porcelain throne.  That is a HUGE skill to learn. 

For this reason, many studies are showing that it is best to wait until the child is showing signs of readiness rather than having a hard fast rule that we need to train our children at 24 months.

Here are some of the key signs that your child is ready to take this giant leap of independence:

• Little one can walk to the potty and be stable while sitting on the potty (we do not want any Tommy-tippees happening)

• Has the ability to follow 2-step commands (such as, "Go over there and pick up that book.")

• Capable of communicating the need to use the toilet (does not need to be vocal, just able to communicate the need in some manner).

• There is a desire for independence 

• Enjoys doing things that please caregivers

• Recognizes when they have defecated in their diaper 

• Able to pull down pants

Just as each child has developed skills at varying ages up to this point, they will develop that ability to be potty trained at different ages, as well.

I have also found that children will express an interest in the toilet and want to try "Going."   They may not ever actually "go" or even want you take off their diaper, but this is another sign that they may be at a good point to start the potty training process.

It is crucial that we do not push our children to start potty training if they are not ready.  This can have adverse effects such as incontinence and infections.  This is not a race.  If your neighbor's kid was potty trained at 24 months and your darling is just starting at 30 months, that is fine as long as you feel it is the right time for your child.

Some last minute things to remember when starting this journey:

• Girls typically potty train sooner and faster than boys

• Most children in Western civilization have bladder and bowel control by 24-48 months of age

• On average, it takes 3-6 months for a child to become completely independent in toileting

• Patience and consistency are key

That wraps up part 1 of the Potty Training Series!  I know you are all on the edges of your seats waiting for the next installment.  I promise it will come soon.  Until then, find the beauty in being an imperfect parent!


References:
Pediatrics and Child Health
Among healthy children, what toilet-training strategy is most effective and prevents fewer adverse events (stool withholding and dysfunctional voiding)?, Mia E Lang
When and How to Train, Darcie A. Kiddoo

cloth diapering {a non-hippie's guide}

If you are like me 12 months ago and the thought of cloth diapers makes you roll your eyes, hear me out.  I am not worried about landfills filling up with used disposable diapers nor do the possible chemicals that make a disposable diaper work bother me.  However, mention saving almost $1200 a year and you have my attention.  I admit, this fact was my main motivation for choosing to use cloth diapers with the Spud.

This post is for those that want to save some money during that crazy expensive first year of your precious baby's life.

Purchasing Cloth Diapers

We got all of our cloth diapers from Zulilly or babysteals.com.  The most we spent on one diaper was $13, which is pretty good considering they can cost up to $25.  This takes some advanced planning, but well worth the saved money.  The total inital cost for 16 diapers (which has been PLENTY) was $250.  Seems like a lot to fork out at once, but when you look at how much you spend in disposable diapers, $250 is EASILY reached within the first few months.  We did not start using the cloth until the Spud was 3 months old, so we know how expensive those disposables get!

Pocket vs Snap in

I was completely in the dark when it came to this choice as I was purchasing our diapers.  Honestly, I had no clue the difference.  So, I got both.  Both have advantages and disadvantages.

Pocket 

 advantages 

•  flexible
• soft
• easily cleaned
• cheaper

disadvantages

• leak easier
• a little more work to assemble/disassmble (you have to actually put the diaper liner in and take it out)

Snap in

advantages

•  easy to assemble and disassemble (snap in, snap out)
• absorb well
• rarely leak

disadvantages

• can get stiff
• more expensive 

  

Really, either one you get works if you make it work.  We experimented with two types of pocket, Cloud and Jungle Roos.  We like the fit of the Jungle Roos better, but both work fine.  For the snap in, we got Bonnibuns and they work great.  Did not fit as well at first, but now that he has gotten a little bigger, they are awesome.

Cleaning

There are some pretty extensive blog posts out there about the washing and care of cloth diapers.  It can be overwhelming.  Here is what we do, and it has worked supremely:

1. Get a 5 gallon all purpose bucket from home depot
2. When removing diaper, if wet, just pull out the liner or unsnap the insert.  If poopy, dump the dump into the toilet, pull out liner or unsnap insert (if exclusively breast fed, no need to dump the dump.  Breastmilk waste is water soluble).
3. toss in bucket 
4. When clean diapers are used up, or about every 2-3 days, throw diapers into washing machine
5. Wash on a quick cold water cycle
6. Put in detergent, we use tide, a little vinegar and wash on sanitary cycle
7. Line dry or throw into the dryer.  Whatever works best for you.  Sun drying will remove stains and stinch if your diapers develop any.  We have dried ours in the dryer for months and don't have a problem with either.

That's it. No special detergents.  No special hypoallergenic, double lined, absorbent hamper.   No toilet sprayer.  Just clean diapers, on the cheap.

The "ICK" Factor

My husband was really concerned about having to deal with more poop and nastiness by using cloth.  To be honest, you really don't deal with that much more than disposable.  You're already in there wiping the goop off your kid's bum, what more is taking it to the bathroom to wipe it into the toilet?  As I mentioned before, when they are solely breastfed, there is no need to scrape off that yumminess.  It will all loosen in the wash on the cold cycle, then the sanitary cycle with super hot water will sanitize everything.  Both my husband and I have not really had complaints about this step.  

There you have it.  The non-hippie, just want to save some big pennies guide to cloth diapers.  Easy peasy.  It is worth it.  We have saved SO much money over the past 6 months.  We do use disposable on trips, at night or when the Spud is staying with a sitter, for ease and comfort.  Other than that, we use the cloth and really have not had many complaints.

are you ready for baby #2?!

We get this question a lot. This question used to bother me. A lot. Mainly because of the guilt I would feel as the unedited response in my head went something like, "Are you freaking crazy?! Why would you even ask that question? I can hardly keep it together with one, who, by the way is not even one!" I felt as though I was less of a woman or mother because I could not even fathom the idea of a second babes. That is until one of my best friends had her baby...

Monday, March 10th, roughly 7pm. A text came in of the first family picture with my bestie's newborn. Something started flickering in me. A little light of nostalgia. Yes, despite my dislike for the newborn stage, a part of me was a little envious. Now, don't get me wrong. By no means was this a, "Let's get busy on baby numero dos." This was more of a, "I can fathom the idea of having another one."

So, if you are in that stage where the thought of another child strikes fear and panic, that's okay. If the thought brings joy and anticipation, that's okay. If you are like me and are slightly warming up to the idea, that's okay.  If you have no desire for another and are just chill, that's okay. Wherever you are, whatever your feelings may be with the idea of adding another minion to your pack, is perfectly prefect for you. Tell that guilt monster to take a hike and give yourself a hug for being the best parent you can be, right now.

Coming up: how I probably made my first child the weird child

sensory box for the babes

I came across THIS awesome idea for a sensory bag on pinterest and rushed out the next day for all the materials from the dollar store.   Once I had made the bag, I dropped it on the ground where the Spud was whining at my feet (a favorite past time of his, lately.  9-month separation anxiety, anyone?!)  He ceased whining promptly and started giggling, pushing his face on it, gnawing on the bag and blowing bloopers on it.  As I watched him playing with his new best friend, I noticed that he kept losing interest when the bag would get too scrunched up or caught under his Buddha belly.  This struck a light bulb as I almost tripped over the Amazon box that has been sitting in our entryway, just waiting to be thrown out or turned into something fabulous.  Luckily, for this certain box, the later was it's fate.

I pulled out the zebra print Duct Tape along with an old brush, cabinet lining, fuzzy socks with grips on the bottom, candles, an old ispy book, sandpaper, puff paints, ribbon and an old mirror.  During the Spud's nap, his new favorite toy was created.  A sensory box. 

Once he woke up, I sat down with him next to his new toy and he immediately started turning the box around and around, feeling and exploring all the different sides. Granted the box is not one of those eye appealing sensations on pinterest.  It definitely has flaws.  Nevertheless, it was easy to make, cost a whopping $3, and fulfills the purpose I had in mind.  Plus, the Spud is one happy boy!