black eye

How many can relate to being embarrassed to go out in public because your toddler has some sort of injury from their wobbling bodies misleading them?

Spud sported this beaut for 9 days, including a trip to visit relatives in another state...poor guy. Poor me!  Oh the looks from those who have never had children, or who have but chose to let them live in a very protective bubble.   Oh well.  You live. You learn and sometimes you get hurt while trying to figure out how to maneuver your limbs.

guest post: tips for parents with picky eaters

My dear friend, Paige Smathers, is a Registered Dietician.  This means that she has gotten her degree and licensing in all things diet, eating, food, eating disorders, etc. (for a more detailed description of what an RD is, visit this post).   I love her approach because it involves a behavior change in tandum with eating, which, the two really should go hand in hand.  

Here is a post from her about tips for picky eaters, which, let's face it, we all have momentary freak outs when our children look at us as they blantantly refuse the food we have excitedly prepared for them.  These tips are easy, make total sense and have science to back them up.  

Tips for Parents with Picky Eaters

Paige Smathers, RD, CD

I was shopping in Costco the other day and the Vitamix man was in the middle of whipping up a green smoothie, giving his whole pitch for paying $700 for a blender. I, along with about 20 other eager weekday shoppers, waited patiently through his speech to get a taste. As my almost two-year-old daughter and I walked away from the display table headed for the cereal aisle, each with a green drink in hand, a distraught mother caught my eye and asked, "What do you make with your Vitamix?" I told her I actually don't have one (yet!, someday!) and she then said, "You know, I bought one a year or so ago to try to get him (pointing to her 5 year old son in her cart) to eat more things."

I wasn't sure what to say. In my personal life, there are all too many situations I find myself in where I want more than anything to let the dietitian inside me come out and save the world! I paused, contemplating if I should strike up a conversation with her about her son's pickiness to see if there were any recommendations I could make to help her out. I decided to go for it.

After I introduced myself to her as a registered dietitian with experience with toddler and childhood pickiness, she ended up explaining to me all about her son who pretty much refuses to eat all food except chocolate milk. He will eat sweets and occasionally things off of her plate, but demands chocolate milk 9 times out of 10. She relayed the very common sentiment of well-intentioned parents, saying, "Well, at least it's SOME form of nourishment!" I watched her try to coax her 5-year-old into tasting the green smoothie to no avail. The poor kid had classic signs of malnutrition--he was small and weak and was falling asleep in the middle of the day in the grocery shopping cart with giant dark circles under his eyes. I made eye contact with that sweet little boy and his eyes were so sad. I felt sad for him and very sad for his parents too.

After asking her a few more questions, I talked with her for a few minutes, offering advice for breaking through this power struggle over food. It's tough because there's only so much I can do in the middle of Costco talking to a complete stranger, but I tried to help. 

If you are in a similar situation with your child, here are a few tips. Keep in mind, your child will adjust, especially if you remain consistent and firm. I am mostly speaking to parents of toddlers and preschoolers. 

1. Keep caloric drinks to meal and snack time only. This means juice, milk, chocolate milk, or any other fluid besides water. Offer only water in between meals and snacks. Young kids have tiny tummies and they can feel falsely full if they have been drinking lots juice or milk. The big problem that comes when kids fill up on milk or juice in between meals or snacks is that they can be so full from those fluids that they refuse to eat actual foods and thus may miss out on key nutrients in their diet. 

2. Understand your responsbilities as the parent and their responsibilities as the child in the feeding relationship. Ellyn Satter, a well-known dietitian and researcher in the field of infant and childhood nutrition, has a very important and impactful theory regarding the parent/child food relationship. She calls it the division of responsibility. In the feeding relationship, the parent is in charge of what the child is offered to eat and when. The child is responsible to choose if they eat and how much. The parent plans, prepares, and serves the food to the child at planned times and that's where the parent's responsibility ends. It is not necessary nor helpful for the parent to hover over the child's plate, ensuring adequate servings of each food group are eaten. Instead, the parent sits down with the child, ideally eating the same food as her, and carries on with conversation and everyday life, not focusing on how much food is being eaten, how messy the child is eating, or anything else about the food. Basically, offer the food and then allow the child to explore, taste and enjoy, recognizing that it is in his/her rights to refuse to eat at all.

3. Have planned meal and snack times throughout the day. This will be what can keep you going when step number 2 shown above gets very difficult with a child who refuses to eat. Offer 3 meals per day (breakfast in the morning, lunch at midday, and dinner in the evening) with a snack in between meals and possibly another snack before bed if needed. If your child refuses breakfast, you can rest easy knowing that the next snack time is only two or so hours away. If your child is begging you for food in the afternoon as you are getting things together for dinner, you can remind your child that snack time is only a half hour from now! If your child refuses the dinner that you have offered and served, you can relax knowing that you will be able to serve them a snack before bed so that they will not go hungry.

4. Recognize that it is developmentally appropriate and normal for your child to eat ravenously one day and pick at her food the next. Just knowing this fact can help parents relax when it comes to how much their child is eating. All too commonly, a parent notices her child is hardly eating anything and then panics, wondering if SOMETHING is better than nothing. That's when the go-to foods come out because you know without a doubt that your child will eat that food. Don't get caught up in this cycle! Knowing these days of feasting and fasting are normal for young ones, and don't let it stress you out!

4. Do NOT make separate meals for your child. It's very tempting to get into the habit of offering separate meals for your child. Maybe you assume they would never eat the feta cheese you are eating with your salad, or maybe it's because you've gotten into the habit of feeding your child something quick and easy and then eating later yourself. Start offering foods from your own dinner table (or breakfast, or lunch table) when you start introducing solids in infancy. You should always offer at least one food item at a meal that you know your child will eat. For example, let's say you are planning on making a chicken ceasar salad for dinner and your child is 18 months old with only 8 teeth and no molars. Salad is tough with no teeth!  Be sure to offer something on the table that he or she will like. Maybe it's a roll. Cut up the chicken, offer the roll, have a fruit option, and even offer some of the vegetables in the salad. You can even put a small amount of the dressing on the child's plate to allow them to experiment with dipping. 

5. Don't make food a battle. It can take up to 17 times of being exposed to a food for a child to decide they will eat it. Be patient, and continue offering the foods even when times get tough!

6. Most important tip: Set the example of healthy eating yourself and eat with your child. Sit down and eat meals and snacks with your child. He or she wants so much to be like dad and mom and wants to be grown up. Show your child that you enjoy variety in your eating and that you like to be healthy! Say it with your actions, more so than with your words, and they will listen.

These tips are intended to get you started. As always, there are unique situations that may require different approaches and may require the help of a registered dietitian! If you feel you need help with your child and/or family's picky eating, check out my nutrition consultation services here.

If you enjoyed Paige's post and would like to read more or even get in contact her, visit her webiste at:

http://www.paigesmathersrd.com/

Good luck with those picky eaters, hang in there and, as always, find the beauty in imperfect parenting! 

potty training {part three: parent directed approach}

Disclaimer: As in all parenting advice I give, you should always do what you feel most comfortable with when it comes to anything with your child.  Just because someone swears by one method, does not mean that will be the best, only way it will ever work for any child, anywhere.  Take the information and tips given and adapt them if you need to what works best for you, your family and, of course, your child.  I am a strong believer in mommy-sense!

link

 I'll be honest.  This approach by N.H. Azrin and R.M. Foxx in 1971 to potty training was originally developed for "The Institutionalized Retartded." However, since then, parents have been intrigued by the idea of having their littles potty "trained in a day."  The "in a day" aspect is HIGHLY subjective and dependent on the child, the environment and so much more.   

Side note: as a rule of thumb, if any program is promising a major behavior change in just a day or two, it is probably full of you know what.  

Back to Azrin and Foxx.  I will just be pointing out the basic steps to a parent directed approach to potty training.  If you are interested in the full procedure, you can find the book here.

Again, the child needs to be physically and psychologically ready to be potty trained (refer to when to start).   

Their method includes:

• Administering more fluids in an effort to increase the need to go to the bathroom as well as "elimination alarms" alerting when accidents occur

• Scheduled potty visits-depending on the child, it could be every 15 minutes or every hour.  Starting with more frequent visits, then gradually increasing the amount of time between visits once the child has demonstrated they can remain dry.

• Rewarding with food, drinks, praise, hugs and attention when the child uses the bathroom.  Really, whatever is reinforcing for the child.  

{I am not a huge advocate of food as a reward, but if you feel comfortable with that, do what you need!}

• Having the child clean up their own accidents as a natural consequence for not using the toilet.  The idea being that it is easier to use the potty than it is to not use the potty.

They also included some modeling to show the use of the toilet and how to complete the task. 

Again, the lure of having your child trained quickly draws many to this approach.  In my experience, this approach is best when the child's nature needs a little more structure and clear cut "rules."  

This might also be the way for you if you are a person who likes control.  It also requires a bit more dedication during the training time. 

Take what you like, tweak it to you and your child's needs, have a little humor, patience and love.  This is a time when finding the joy in imperfect parenting is a really useful tool!

references:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1310676/pdf/jaba00072-0020.pdf
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3307553/

potty training {part two: child oriented approach}

Disclaimer: As in all parenting advice I give, you should always do what you feel most comfortable with when it comes to anything with your child.  Just because someone swears by one method, does not mean that will be the best, only way it will ever work for any child, anywhere.  Take the information and tips given and adapt them if you need to what works best for you, your family and, of course, your child.  I am a strong believer in mommy-sense!

On to the fun stuff!

link

 Back in 1962, a pediatrician named T. Berry Brazleton developed a potty training method that caught on like wildfire that was perfect for the hippie time period in which it was publicized.   This approach based strong emphasis on "child readiness."  In other words, when the child showed readiness and both he/she and the parent had interest in potty training, the process commenced.   In his study, Brazleton addressed the fact that parents were feeling "pressured" or "unfit" to train their child.  Anxiety that made the whole experience miserable, needless to say stressful, for both parent and child. 

Enough with the boring research stuff that I, sadly, find very interesting.  You are here for the tips!

If you choose to go the child oriented route, here's the breakdown:

• When the child shows physical readiness and desire to go, a floor potty chair is introduced as the "child's chair."

• Routine "potty times" are scheduled
• during these routine visits, the child is taken to sit on the potty chair, fully clothed with the caregiver right there reading them stories or singing songs or whatever, for the first week or so.  The child is in control as to how long he/she wants to sit on the potty.
•  If the child was cool with the fully clothed sitting, they are then invited to sit with diaper off.  No attempt to "catch the stool" (as Brazleton so eloquently phrases it) is made.  Basically, the first couple weeks are used to get the babes comfortable sitting on the pot.

• Once comfortable with the diaper off sitting phase, the dropping-the-diaper-poo-in-the-toilet phase begins.  After going in the diaper, the child is taken to sit on the potty and have the diaper changed, watching the poo go into the pot, thus demonstrating the function of the potty.

• Once interest is peaked on the child's part to use the potty for its designed purpose,  diaper is removed throughout the day(letting the kid run free willy-nilly or in underwear), the potty chair is placed wherever the child is and encouragement, but not pressure, to go on his/her own, begins.  Praise and excitement are given when they "go."

And, wah-lah!  The theory is that the child is in control, thus less pressured to succeed, less fear of failure, more motivation to  use the potty.  He does point out that nap and night time training should not be stressed until daytime dryness has been achieved.  At which point, the potty is just placed in the child's room with scheduled late evening and early morning wakings with encouragement to try to go potty.  He also stresses that if a child becomes frustrated or agitated about "failing" when accidents happen, to reassure them that they are not "bad" and that "Someday he will co-operate when he is 'ready.'"  Please use more informal wording than Dr. Brazleton to encourage your child when accidents happen.

There you have it.  The child-oriented method of potty training as developed by Dr. Brazelton.   Many have had much success with this approach and prefer it to others because it focuses on the child and making sure they feel confident and safe in this new venture.

Again, take what you like/think would work best, adjust to your family, child's personality, environment, etc. and, as always, find the beauty in being an imperfect parent.

references:
http://www.ohsu.edu/xd/health/services/doernbecher/research-education/education/residency/upload/Child-Oriented-Approach-to-Toilet-Training_Brazelton-1962.pdf
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3307553/

potty training {part one: when to start}

Ah, potty training.  A time that every parent looks forward to with excitement, anxiety and confusion.  As a behavior interventionist, I have potty trained my fair share of children of all different ages, levels of development and disabilities.  Over the years, I have researched potty training methods in an attempt to find the best way to accomplish this crucial life skill.  Bottom line, there is no one way that is "THE BEST!"  But, there are aspects of each method that can be used to fit each child, their needs and personalities.  Thus, the Potty Training Series of this blog was born.  A hopefully enlightening attempt to assist the parenting world in the realm of toilets.

This is how the series will go down:

{Part 1} will address the age old question, "When should I start potty training my child?" 

{Parts 2 & 3} will delve into the different methods

{Part 4} is all about my gathered thoughts and experiences on potty training throughout the years

I don't have any experience with Elimination Communication or Infant Training, so those will not be covered.  Maybe one day I will be that ambitious.

Without further ado-doo (please forgive that pun if you found it completely inappropriate, but if you chuckled, don't be ashamed):

{Part 1: When to Start}

People often think potty training is just a natural, physically developmental process that always happens around 2-years of age.   They also think that potty training should happen quickly, without stress. 

Sorry to burst your bubble if you think this way, but this is not how it happens for most families.  Congratulations to those with prodigal children who just sat on a toilet and trained themselves.  Chances are, those people will not be reading this post.

First of all, we need to clear up the fact that potty training is just as much, if not more so, behavioral as physiological.  Think about it for a minute.  We are trying to teach a human being that has, up to this point, defecated free willy, whenever they very well pleased, to now control said defecation until they are sitting, not just any sitting on the floor or on any old chair, but on the appropriate porcelain throne.  That is a HUGE skill to learn. 

For this reason, many studies are showing that it is best to wait until the child is showing signs of readiness rather than having a hard fast rule that we need to train our children at 24 months.

Here are some of the key signs that your child is ready to take this giant leap of independence:

• Little one can walk to the potty and be stable while sitting on the potty (we do not want any Tommy-tippees happening)

• Has the ability to follow 2-step commands (such as, "Go over there and pick up that book.")

• Capable of communicating the need to use the toilet (does not need to be vocal, just able to communicate the need in some manner).

• There is a desire for independence 

• Enjoys doing things that please caregivers

• Recognizes when they have defecated in their diaper 

• Able to pull down pants

Just as each child has developed skills at varying ages up to this point, they will develop that ability to be potty trained at different ages, as well.

I have also found that children will express an interest in the toilet and want to try "Going."   They may not ever actually "go" or even want you take off their diaper, but this is another sign that they may be at a good point to start the potty training process.

It is crucial that we do not push our children to start potty training if they are not ready.  This can have adverse effects such as incontinence and infections.  This is not a race.  If your neighbor's kid was potty trained at 24 months and your darling is just starting at 30 months, that is fine as long as you feel it is the right time for your child.

Some last minute things to remember when starting this journey:

• Girls typically potty train sooner and faster than boys

• Most children in Western civilization have bladder and bowel control by 24-48 months of age

• On average, it takes 3-6 months for a child to become completely independent in toileting

• Patience and consistency are key

That wraps up part 1 of the Potty Training Series!  I know you are all on the edges of your seats waiting for the next installment.  I promise it will come soon.  Until then, find the beauty in being an imperfect parent!


References:
Pediatrics and Child Health
Among healthy children, what toilet-training strategy is most effective and prevents fewer adverse events (stool withholding and dysfunctional voiding)?, Mia E Lang
When and How to Train, Darcie A. Kiddoo

cloth diapering {a non-hippie's guide}

If you are like me 12 months ago and the thought of cloth diapers makes you roll your eyes, hear me out.  I am not worried about landfills filling up with used disposable diapers nor do the possible chemicals that make a disposable diaper work bother me.  However, mention saving almost $1200 a year and you have my attention.  I admit, this fact was my main motivation for choosing to use cloth diapers with the Spud.

This post is for those that want to save some money during that crazy expensive first year of your precious baby's life.

Purchasing Cloth Diapers

We got all of our cloth diapers from Zulilly or babysteals.com.  The most we spent on one diaper was $13, which is pretty good considering they can cost up to $25.  This takes some advanced planning, but well worth the saved money.  The total inital cost for 16 diapers (which has been PLENTY) was $250.  Seems like a lot to fork out at once, but when you look at how much you spend in disposable diapers, $250 is EASILY reached within the first few months.  We did not start using the cloth until the Spud was 3 months old, so we know how expensive those disposables get!

Pocket vs Snap in

I was completely in the dark when it came to this choice as I was purchasing our diapers.  Honestly, I had no clue the difference.  So, I got both.  Both have advantages and disadvantages.

Pocket 

 advantages 

•  flexible
• soft
• easily cleaned
• cheaper

disadvantages

• leak easier
• a little more work to assemble/disassmble (you have to actually put the diaper liner in and take it out)

Snap in

advantages

•  easy to assemble and disassemble (snap in, snap out)
• absorb well
• rarely leak

disadvantages

• can get stiff
• more expensive 

  

Really, either one you get works if you make it work.  We experimented with two types of pocket, Cloud and Jungle Roos.  We like the fit of the Jungle Roos better, but both work fine.  For the snap in, we got Bonnibuns and they work great.  Did not fit as well at first, but now that he has gotten a little bigger, they are awesome.

Cleaning

There are some pretty extensive blog posts out there about the washing and care of cloth diapers.  It can be overwhelming.  Here is what we do, and it has worked supremely:

1. Get a 5 gallon all purpose bucket from home depot
2. When removing diaper, if wet, just pull out the liner or unsnap the insert.  If poopy, dump the dump into the toilet, pull out liner or unsnap insert (if exclusively breast fed, no need to dump the dump.  Breastmilk waste is water soluble).
3. toss in bucket 
4. When clean diapers are used up, or about every 2-3 days, throw diapers into washing machine
5. Wash on a quick cold water cycle
6. Put in detergent, we use tide, a little vinegar and wash on sanitary cycle
7. Line dry or throw into the dryer.  Whatever works best for you.  Sun drying will remove stains and stinch if your diapers develop any.  We have dried ours in the dryer for months and don't have a problem with either.

That's it. No special detergents.  No special hypoallergenic, double lined, absorbent hamper.   No toilet sprayer.  Just clean diapers, on the cheap.

The "ICK" Factor

My husband was really concerned about having to deal with more poop and nastiness by using cloth.  To be honest, you really don't deal with that much more than disposable.  You're already in there wiping the goop off your kid's bum, what more is taking it to the bathroom to wipe it into the toilet?  As I mentioned before, when they are solely breastfed, there is no need to scrape off that yumminess.  It will all loosen in the wash on the cold cycle, then the sanitary cycle with super hot water will sanitize everything.  Both my husband and I have not really had complaints about this step.  

There you have it.  The non-hippie, just want to save some big pennies guide to cloth diapers.  Easy peasy.  It is worth it.  We have saved SO much money over the past 6 months.  We do use disposable on trips, at night or when the Spud is staying with a sitter, for ease and comfort.  Other than that, we use the cloth and really have not had many complaints.

are you ready for baby #2?!

We get this question a lot. This question used to bother me. A lot. Mainly because of the guilt I would feel as the unedited response in my head went something like, "Are you freaking crazy?! Why would you even ask that question? I can hardly keep it together with one, who, by the way is not even one!" I felt as though I was less of a woman or mother because I could not even fathom the idea of a second babes. That is until one of my best friends had her baby...

Monday, March 10th, roughly 7pm. A text came in of the first family picture with my bestie's newborn. Something started flickering in me. A little light of nostalgia. Yes, despite my dislike for the newborn stage, a part of me was a little envious. Now, don't get me wrong. By no means was this a, "Let's get busy on baby numero dos." This was more of a, "I can fathom the idea of having another one."

So, if you are in that stage where the thought of another child strikes fear and panic, that's okay. If the thought brings joy and anticipation, that's okay. If you are like me and are slightly warming up to the idea, that's okay.  If you have no desire for another and are just chill, that's okay. Wherever you are, whatever your feelings may be with the idea of adding another minion to your pack, is perfectly prefect for you. Tell that guilt monster to take a hike and give yourself a hug for being the best parent you can be, right now.

Coming up: how I probably made my first child the weird child